Black Monsters

Posted on by Reena Saxena

28th January, 2005, was the day I felt hurt and ignored.

12th June, 2007 ………

She wondered if she was talking to a human being or a talking calendar of events—events she could not remember or relate to, but had trapped his weak mind in repetitive cycles.

Sahil kept talking in loops and failed to live in the present moment. He would suddenly lose control and start talking about the past, irrespective of linkages (or lack of those) with the present.

Living in the same space with a mind trapped in unhealthy, repetitive cycles was a constant struggle. There seemed to be no escape, except for the drastic decision of leaving the room or even the house.

The least she could do was watch the mental activity as a passive observer in different colours. It became the subject of her art and provided a release.

She visualised the formation of a typical pink neural pathway, and then a black monster from the underworld suddenly leaping up to control it. After a while, the black monsters occupied the mind fully, going helter-skelter all over the grey matter space.

These were the moments that transformed a seemingly healthy adult into a person living with the challenges of mental illness.

Any amount of conjecturing that the past was dead and gone and that the present and future were his to choose from did not help. Perhaps he perceived value in victimhood because it shifted the blame to others. Facing his inadequacy or failure was tough, and this provided an easy way out.

Over time, the black monsters overpowered intelligence and analysis. A sick mind closed itself in loops and refused to absorb anything from another perspective. The black monsters created a wall of resistance.

As time passed, he found himself increasingly isolated. People began to avoid his calls or would disconnect on some pretext. Callbacks became rare, and being put on hold became more common.

She had read about the phenomenon of Projection, and it became increasingly apparent on her journey through life. He blamed her for things he was guilty of, even the most insignificant events, because it made him feel superior to her.

She was getting claustrophobic and knew that she would have to exit this scenario to protect her mental health.

There cannot be a more accurate statement than “It’s all in your head.”

What Do You See #287

19 thoughts on “Black Monsters”

  1. Pingback: WDYS # 287- A roundup post – Keep it alive

  9. It is a difficult scenario for all sufferers. Writing is an isolated profession, and many of us find this happens. It helps being around other writers, and when I went to my writing retreat day, I found that it helps to talk.

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