Breaking the Perfectionist Trap

Posted on by Reena Saxena

I’m sharing a social media post from my IWD series.

We know our enemies – patriarchy, gender bias, unequal pay, equal work and blocked opportunities.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room—perfectionism. We get carried away with being efficient, flawless, and consistently productive in defined arenas. If we slip up, we are consumed by guilt.

There are people around us who shrug it off saying it is a problem of our creation. “Don’t do it. Let’s see what happens” is a common refrain, but no one offers to share the burden and we continue working and ranting.

Take a step back. Who ingrained these values of perfection in you?

Did you see your mother or boss doing it and decided to carry on the tradition?

Do you hear the voices of rules, expectations, and criticism in your head? Different faces, expressions, and languages blur into a cloud and shapeshift into the image of an ideal woman.

Have you heard about models crying backstage because they cannot fit into a particular garment after weeks of being undernourished and are chucked out of the show?

How often has a woman been overlooked for promotion or a coveted assignment because she is in the family way?

Did you dream of being the epitome of perfection from childhood, or was this idea gradually indoctrinated into your psyche? Your family, social circle, colleagues, and bosses make you who you are – everyone except you.

And do you even see the opportunities you miss outside your circle of perfection? You need to give up something here to find your space there.

Examine your work on each parameter.

Which tasks are essential to your personal growth?

What is it that you truly enjoy doing?

What will make you evolve to your full potential, rather than executing routines flawlessly?

My life changed the day I learnt to differentiate between the two.

Has yours?

Do you have the financial means to sustain yourself while you pivot?

If not, what are you doing to create that financial cushion?

What Do You See #278

23 thoughts on “Breaking the Perfectionist Trap”

  1. Had I not finally done some critical self-reflection in my mid-30s, I would probably have continued chasing down that road of perfectionism – something I was indoctrinated with by my mother who also lived her life that way. She never did stop, and it got her nowhere. Thankfully, my life got better. Good for you reminding women about this trap, Reena!

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  2. Pingback: WDYS # 278- A roundup post – Keep it alive

  4. What a great post, Reena. I grew up with a father that demanded everything be perfect. With that said, his ideas of perfection didn’t always make sense. Thank goodness for my mom and her common sense.

    Perfectionism is overrated because who can define it? What’s perfect for one may not be for the other. We’re individuals with flaws and we should embrace our uniqueness.

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  5. A very important discussion that needs to happen more Reena. No one is perfect and trying to be perfect is just a futile endeavor that can ruin a life and mess up the mind. Thanks for joining in

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    1. These ideas of perfection are imposed on the subconscious, though we believe it to be our own.

      My Mom once shared that her father’s love was tough. He said “You are welcome when you come home (Maika or Peehar) with your husband, not otherwise.” She felt compelled to be the perfect wife and daughter-in-law, because there was no other option. She had no one else to turn to.

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      1. I understand and I think nowadays parents are more understanding. But it’s the subconscious training of minds that harms the children. I never expected perfect grades from my children. Just gain knowledge- I’d tell them.

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  8. This is such an important topic. I have seen parents burdening their kids with their idealism. Imagine stunting a child’s growth in the quest of perfection! I am not even talking about other spheres of life.
    I never strive for perfection. And my children have the freedom to fail, fall and learn at their own pace.
    It is so stressful running after something, the parameters of which are set by someone else.
    Knowing our strengths and working accordingly is the way forward.Today everything is measured by the amount of money you make and the designation you hold.

    I have broken the trap by choosing to be a homemaker. Perfectionists can write me off as they please. 😂😂

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