Legacy

We were in an odd moment of silence, not knowing what to say. The sun was about to set, and the dark shadows of night clouded the horizon.

“Does your brother smoke and drink?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve not seen him do it at home,” I stuttered at the unexpected nature of the question. There was no reference to my family during the day or week. Stories about their family were enough to keep my in-laws occupied.

“These are bad habits, and he should refrain from doing so.”

I was taken aback by the superficiality of an idle mind. It was as if she plucked a name from a tray and bombarded them with unsolicited advice, even if the person was not physically present and couldn’t care less about her opinions. The frustration of such encounters was palpable.

It dawned on me that culture not only trumps strategy but also education, experience, and exposure. The family revelled in retreating to the darkness of their well during family holidays and croaked like frogs when there was an opportunity to advise or criticize someone. It could be entirely unprovoked. This cultural critique was a revelation.

They worked hard at proving their superiority by putting down someone else.

My heart went out to the hapless victims, and I often found myself in the crosshairs for standing by the opposition, as they saw it. The feeling of being a target was a constant companion.

The daughters-in-law were dartboards for them to practise their shooting skills. And the ones who lived in that house or the vicinity played the blame game.

“Why don’t you tell her what you are telling me?”

The apparent game to be played was divide-and-rule. They would pit family members against each other, creating rifts and tensions that they could exploit to maintain their control and authority.

The noise persists decades later, long after the original sinners, those who first established these toxic family dynamics, are gone. Their legacy lives on, echoing through the generations.

They had no respect for personal boundaries but erected partitions in the process.

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Sunday Confessionals – Noise